You can do it!

One of the positives for me that has come from being diagnosed (yes I said positives!) is that I am more willing to take chances or leaps of faith. I'm not talking about my spiritual life here but my everyday, the: Can I do this?; I'm not sure of the outcome or my ability, riddled with self doubt life. You know the one......where you pass up career opportunities or personal opportunities that seem too good to be true and you over analyze or self doubt yourself right out of it.

For someone who is now plagued with the additional questions of: Am I going to get too tired?  Are my legs going to work the whole time?  Will I be able to make a decision or retrieve the correct words? the fact that I am more willing to step outside "my box" is quite amazing to me.

My daughter invited me on a trip over the summer.   It was a spur of the moment trip.  That is something pretty unusual for both of us.  We are both planners.  I wonder where she gets it from?  We both, although I am sure I am more inclined to do it, usually have everything mapped out well in advance.  We do spontaneous things, but we plan for them.  :)

I wanted to talk myself out of it.   There are always excuses, right.

• How can I justify the expense?
• I'll be too tired to be any fun.  
• I can't leave the other kids because school is about to start.  I have supplies and clothes to shop for.  
• What will they eat?  

Yeah right!  They are teenagers, they will hunt down food like wild animals.  Besides I had already decided earlier in the summer I was not going to miss out on things anymore because I thought I might be too tired which is really what most of my anxiety stems from when you boil it down; that I will be too tired to physically or mentally to complete, well, just about everything.  I decided that I was not going to BE the obstacle, I was going to overcome my obstacles.

So off we set to the airport.

First obstacle:  Pre-filled Copaxone syringes on a plane.  I packed them in my carry-on because I didn't want them to somehow get lost in "luggage land" without me.  I can't run down to the drug store and pick up a few extra.  They come from a specialty pharmacy, are shipped overnight via
refrigerated carrier; and they cost a bazillion dollars which insurance would not cover to replace.  I was anticipating trouble but was pleasantly surprised.  As I waited with my shoes off to head into the scanner, I leaned over to the lady screening the bags, got her attention and gently tapped my suitcase and quietly said "I have medication in syringes in my bag."  She smiled and asked if there was any type of gel pack with them.  I replied that there was indeed a refrigerated pack to keep them cool (I hadn't even thought about that being an issue).  She shook her head and motioned me on through.  After I went through, she smiled and said, "Thank you for letting me know."  That was it, no problems whatsoever.  We put our shoes on, grabbed our bags and headed to the plane.

One obstacle that wasn't an obstacle down.



So within one week of mentioning it to me, my daughter and I both boarded a plane from Dallas to Los Angeles.  We did have hotel reservations but that was it.  We had no plan for what we were going to do while there and we had no reservation for a rental car or ride.  She had mentioned that she had done some research and we should use public transportation while we were there.  I laughed at her, literally.  I know people use public transportation but we don't generally.  We live in rural Texas.  Other than Greyhound there is no real public transportation.  She and I both have used buses and trains in Europe, but that was pre MS.  Pre having to be more prepared (in my mind anyway) for obstacles. 

We made it safely to our destination and bought ourselves a Metro Tap Card for $20.00 each and we rode the Metro Rail and buses all over Los Angeles!    Not only did I overcome self imposed obstacles but she overcame her fear of needles by very carefully (and after much encouragement and coaxing) administering my shot on two nights while we were on our trip.  It was a time for us to enjoy each other and both experience and see things we had never before.  What an awesome adventure with my daughter that I would have missed if I had worried about everything and talked myself out of going because of what "could" have happened.

 

 

New Year's Resolution - Time Management

I have been doing pretty well with my time management goal lately.

However, I have realized I only have a certain amount of control over my own time. I can MANAGE all I want, but I am only able to carry out so much, regardless of what I have allotted for any particular time.  Even if I have allowed for rest, breaks, unforeseen circumstances, sometimes I am just not able to make it all work out the way I (originally) thought it should.

So really what my my resolution should be on this topic is to not be so hard on myself about not being able to do it all.

I recently skipped TWO soccer games.  One game each, of my son and one of my daughter.  Skipping a game is not something I do.  I make an effort to be at all of their events.  I am not able to always do this but I manage to get most of them.  These particular games were the same night in two different towns in opposite directions from each other.  On paper, I could have made it to the first half of my son's game and the last half of my daughter's game.  We had been to several games (preseason scrimmage) already that week.  The weather had been terrible - cold, windy and wet at all the previous games.  I was tired.  I should have been tired anyway and then the MS tired hit and hit hard.  I couldn't do a thing about it but stop!   That MS tired did not care a thing about what was written in my calendar.   I felt guilty and I felt sad that I was missing out on their games.

Funny thing is that the kids were fine.  They know I am their biggest fan, on and off the field.  When my son got home (he drives), he was surprised I hadn't been there.  He said, "I was pretty sure I saw you in the stands!"   We all had our usual post game talks about who did what, and how they felt about it, and what they needed to work on.  No one made me feel badly about me not being there but me!


So I am releasing the guilt!  I am going to keep trying and when I can't go anymore, well.... I will go to plan B, or C, or even better, no plan and just roll with it!  Everyone have a great day and just keep, keeping on!